Yesterday, by way of defending Rep. Todd Akin (who claimed that women’s bodies will magically not get pregnant from rape, but whatever), former Arkansas governor and presidential candidate Mike Huckabee noted that in fact, rapes have yielded some downright terrific folks! Like gospel singer Ethel Waters, and Huckabee’s mentor, James “God’s Hit Man” Robison:
…[E]ven from those horrible, horrible tragedies of rape, which are inexcusable and indefensible, life has come and sometimes, you know, those people are able to do extraordinary things.
Since we can’t know in advance which rape victims might go on to produce televangelists, it follows that abortion must be illegal under all circumstances.
I have to admit, the man has a point. What he’s saying is, after all, a logical extension of a very persuasive argument for criminalizing non-rape abortion. Consider: President Obama was the child of a teenage mother—if she had chosen to have an abortion, he wouldn’t exist. And if Steve Jobs’s unmarried, college-aged parents had chosen abortion instead of adoption, we would have no iPods!
Even my fellow liberals will agree that that would be a tragedy.
Similarly, Martin Luther King, Jr., was the second of three children. If his parents had stopped at one, who would have led the civil rights movement?
International superstar Madonna is the third of six children. Had her parents decided to quit after two, we would live in a world without “Like a Virgin.” Can you even imagine?
Over the years, I’ve often been asked how I’d feel if my mom had aborted me. I used to reply that as a non-existent person, I would feel precisely nothing. But now, having reconsidered the issue, I’m not sure that hypothetical scenario even goes far enough. I have three older siblings, so if we truly want to ensure that the world doesn’t miss out on the next Kate Harding–and I know we all do–American women should be required to have at least four kids. Just to be on the safe side.
And then think of the Jolie-Pitt twins, Vivienne and Knox, the fifth and sixth little ones in their family. Are you going to look me in the eye and tell me you wish those babies had never been born?
Heck, even if everyone stopped at six, there would be no Bobby or Ted Kennedy, Michael or Janet Jackson, Donnie or Mark Wahlberg. It’s horrible to consider.
Now that I’ve really given some thought to the prospect of people I admire never even getting born, it seems obvious that if all American adults aren’t trying for at least ten children, we’re potentially depriving our society of its best and brightest. Sure, most of us would have trouble affording such big families, but just look at that list again–can we really afford not to?
And yes, I understand that this means everyone with functional female reproductive organs will have to start getting pregnant early, and mostly remain that way for a decade or more, in order to meet their quotas before the biological window of opportunity closes. Obviously, that means it will be virtually impossible for baby-bearers to establish and maintain careers besides motherhood–and as a feminist, I don’t take that lightly. But you have to admit, some things are more important than paying work! If five or six kids sounds like a reasonable compromise to you, you are literally saying that our country will never need another Bobby Kennedy.
Think about it.
Building the best possible America requires sacrifice, folks. If you’ve achieved sexual maturity and are not currently working on populating this country with as many human beings as it takes to produce a higher number of extraordinary ones, shame on you! Just wait and see how “important” your job seems on the day Josie Brooklyn Duggar collects her first Nobel Prize.